You won't believe some of the wild things surrogates are asked!
Crazy Things People Say to Surrogates
Surrogacy Mentor
As you can image, people have a lot of questions about surrogacy. We recently released a Normalize Surrogacy Podcast episode on this very topic titled “The Shit People Say to Surrogates”. We polled a group of experienced surrogates about the craziest things they have been asked and then featured the questions on the podcast. This was a hilarious and fun episode to record. So if you haven't already, give it a listen to get in a good laugh!
We would like to preface this blog post by saying that most of the comments surrogates hear come from a place of misunderstanding and lack of knowledge about surrogacy, and that the majority of comments tend to be positive - or at least well intentioned. Also, genuine questions are a great opportunity to educate others about surrogacy. That said, let's dive into some of the crazier things surrogates have heard!
“Don’t you think it will be hard to give up your baby?”
Every surrogate will hear this many times over the course of her surrogacy journey, as it's the #1 most asked question. It’s hard for those who aren’t familiar with the IVF and surrogacy process to separate pregnancy and biology. They figure if you’re pregnant, it must be your baby. But with gestational surrogacy, the surrogate is not the biological mother of the baby. Our favorite way to respond to this comment is “I’m not giving up the baby, I am just taking care of the baby and then giving them back to their parents.”
“I’ve heard you get paid really well for being a surrogate”
This is another comment surrogates will likely hear often and one that can often really irk a surrogate. Surrogacy is an altruistic calling first, with financial compensation for pain and suffering that is well deserved. But the compenastion is nowhere near what most people assume it is. For a typical surrogacy journey, a surrogate will have invested approximately 18-24 months of her life and the financial compensation she receives breaks down to about $2.50 an hour. As you can see, anyone primarily motivated by money will not see becoming a surrogate as a great option!
“Why don’t the parents just adopt?”
There are many reasons why people go down the path of surrogacy to have a child. Medical issues, laws in foreign countries preventing unmarried or LGBT individuals from adopting or accessing IVF, costs and risks associated with adoption and other issues are among them. Regardless of the reason, everyone has the right to grow their family in whatever way they see fit. Think of it this way: if you know a heterosexual married couple with children of their own that were conceived the "traditional" way, would you question why they didn't just adopt? Of course you wouldn't - and the same should go for parents via surrogacy.
For more crazy questions surrogates hear, as well as their responses, be sure to check out our #NormalizeSurrogacy Podcast episode!