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The Inappropriateness of Asking Intended Parents, "Why Don't You Just Adopt?"

Parenthood is a deeply personal journey, and for some individuals or couples, the path to building a family may involve surrogacy. When discussing surrogacy, it is important to approach the topic with sensitivity and understanding.

Unfortunately, many people are quick to ask Intended Parents pursuing surrogacy the question, "Why don't you just adopt?" While this question may be well-intentioned, it can be hurtful and overlooks the complexities of surrogacy. In this article, we will explore why it is not appropriate to ask Intended Parents this question and will shed light on the unique nature of surrogacy as a path to parenthood.

  1. Surrogacy as a Personal Choice: The decision to pursue surrogacy is a deeply personal one. Intended Parents may have their own reasons for choosing surrogacy over adoption. It could be due to a variety of factors such as medical conditions, genetic considerations, or simply a desire to experience pregnancy and genetic connection to their child.

  2. Assumptions and Insensitivity: Asking the question, "Why don't you just adopt?" assumes that adoption is an easy or straightforward solution to infertility or other family-building challenges. This assumption oversimplifies the complexities and emotional toll of the adoption process. It is important to recognize that adoption is a unique and distinct path to parenthood, with its own set of considerations and challenges. By suggesting adoption as a quick fix, one might unintentionally diminish the experiences and feelings of the Intended Parents.

  3. Respect for Personal Boundaries (or in other words: It’s None of Your Business): Discussions about family-building should respect the personal boundaries of individuals or couples involved. It is not our place to question or challenge their choices. By asking, "Why don't you just adopt?" we may intrude upon their private decision-making process, causing discomfort or emotional distress. Instead, it is important to approach conversations about surrogacy with empathy and open-mindedness, allowing Intended Parents to share their unique journey on their own terms.

  4. Highlighting the Benefits of Surrogacy: Surrogacy offers a distinct set of advantages for Intended Parents. It provides the opportunity for a genetic connection with their child, allowing them to experience pregnancy and the biological bond that many individuals or couples desire. Surrogacy also offers a greater level of control and involvement throughout the pregnancy journey, fostering a unique connection between the Intended Parents and the gestational carrier. By acknowledging these benefits, we can appreciate the significance of surrogacy as a valid path to parenthood.

When discussing family-building options, it is essential to approach the subject of surrogacy with empathy, respect, and understanding. We at Surrogacy Mentor seek to create a supportive environment where all paths to parenthood are recognized and celebrated, ensuring that individuals and couples are empowered to make the choices that best align with their dreams of building a family.

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